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Saturday, June 23, 2007
17:13 june 22 2007
So here I am, still strugling in this dump. Everyday there's a tought of you. Everyday I hide it. Everyday thinking, should I be talking to you or not. Everyday telling myself to not think of the past because it's keeping me from living my life. I try, I try so hard to not think of the past. I'm sorry but I got to break my promises. I need to hate you, alot. I know it's wrong, but I can't move on. You fucking bastard.. My feelings for you are soo real, so strong, I just can't help but loving you. I swear I'm doing my best to forget you, but seeing couples make me think about you. Sometimes, the things I see reminds me of you, the places I go, the noises I hear. I know you go around fucking girls all you want. But still, I'm struggling between my love for you & everything else, the rumors, the friends, everything. Everything you do is part of your little game. Your soo soo very good at it that, you don't realise what your diong to yourself and everybody around you. People talking shit behind your back, people thinking wrong. Right now I'm actually turning everyone I know against you. I don't know what to do but wait, try living my life, without you pretending to watch over me. It's like, I need you to keep faking to me so I can live like a good human being. But at that same time I hurt myself asuming hating, hating myself even. WHAT EVER IT IS I DO I JUST GET HURT. Nothing's going to help me, befor you help yourself. Look at yourself, be honest to your self, judge yourself. Don't brag about yourself, don't judge yourself to make you feel better, judge yourself as if you wer a stranger to yourself. Judge yourself, think, look at how your life is, the way a stranger would see you. To make me better, you better help yourself. That's all it takes.. Stop being who you are now, start over. Don't think about the people critisizing you. Think about the people that would apreciate you. Everyone may know you, but look closer, deeper, ther is a whole bunch of people out there waiting for that better guy.. ...I fell inlove with a mask, I fell inlove with lies & false promises. I can't let go of it. So whatever happends to me right after I'm done righting this, remember that I still love you. Had sex with a stranger? It does'nt matter, I would still love you & you would'nt even care or notice it. I think that you only come to me, saying you miss me & bull, whenever you get caught, whenever another girl leaves you. Your just using me right now. I'm inlove with a fake, the type I hate the most..
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